i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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