check it out our google latitudes are spooning
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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