We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
