please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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