I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
