Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
