you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
