Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
