I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
