Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize