He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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