I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
