she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
