I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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