Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
she woke up with a sticky ear
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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