Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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