Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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