Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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