Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
