i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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