its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
