just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
