I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize