I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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