I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We had to coat check the pizza.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
