I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
