I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
