I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
