id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize