I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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