the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
