3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
