Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
