Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize