We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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