she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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