youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
