Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
