I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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