Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
