i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
