ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
false alarm, still single
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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