Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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