A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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