I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
