my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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