He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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