Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
