So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
