You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Randomize