i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
