I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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