wakey wakey hands off snakey
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
