I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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