Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
