Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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