made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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