Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
