She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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