maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
