Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
