I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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