I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
