i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
