Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
