Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
