It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
