I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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