so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
handjob tips. give me some.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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