I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize