I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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