There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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