As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Sext me about skeletons
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
