I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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