I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
